the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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