Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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