Michael Bay diarrhea
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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