Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
