Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
