maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
