Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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