I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
