I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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