4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
