mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
