Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
