I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He passed out mid-signature
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
