look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize