hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
