I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
