I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
