Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
