I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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