when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
