im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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