i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
