well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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