just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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