____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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