I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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