My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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