I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
