So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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