He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
