my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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