12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
