Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
