There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
