i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The adults are the big ones right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
