JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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