her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
