I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she smelled like a LAN party
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
