So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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