DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
