You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
