Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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