just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
