i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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