Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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