I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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