This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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