You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
