apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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