i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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