dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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