did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
