yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We are two peas in an std pod
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
