Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
