yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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