..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
