His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
