Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
