and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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