Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
