new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
