Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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