Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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