So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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