I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
