my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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