I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
