I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
