please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
