sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
