There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
