He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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