He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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