they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize