i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
