You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
