I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
