My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
