found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
