the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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