I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
even my farts smell like vagina
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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