I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
