Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize