So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
