break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
