You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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