I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
