We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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