3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
