someone get that fucking seahorse.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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