I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
