Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
