if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
